Of course it is important to think and prepare before we act, but we get into trouble because we come to believe that our thinking is the same as doing. For example, let’s say that you are a writer and you wish to publish a short story. You have written and rewritten the story. You’ve allowed others to read and provide constructive feedback and now believe the story is ready for publishing. But in your head, you have submitted this story for publishing so many times and every time you have imagined it as rejected. So, in reality you never actually send the story anywhere, as you already “know” you will fail.

Why would this be? I think it comes back to the power of our imagination. Have you ever feared something, public speaking perhaps, and as you prepared for the presentation you imagined what you feared through repeatedly worrying about the event (i.e., worried about making some type of mistake or becoming so nervous you could barely talk), such that you were not surprised when some version of what you feared actually happened? This is because you rehearsed your fears (i.e., failure) rather than rehearsing your desires (i.e., success).

Research demonstrates what when we use our imagination to vividly picture a scene or situation, particularly as we engage our senses, the body does not know whether we are experiencing it in actuality or only in our imagination! The body will respond very similarly either way. You know this to be true, because we have all had the experience of talking about an upcoming event, one that worries us, and as we are talking about it with a friend or companion, we find that our heart is beating faster, our respiration has increased and we have started to perspire – all while we are safely far away from the imagined event! That is, the imagining of the event can evoke a similar physiological response as actually experiencing the event. We further know that sensory, emotional and cognitive stimulation (in this case, whether to a real or imagined event) is what causes the brain to “hardwire” it or to encode it into our neurons as a registered and remembered experience, thus becoming an influencer of our future experiences.

In this way, what we imagine can become encoded such that it rises to the strength of an actual experience in our neural networks, thus greatly influencing our thoughts, beliefs and emotions about the possibility of success in a future event from one that has never happened at all!!!! This form of self-deception is particularly interesting and potent as it relates to our behavioral patterns and choices because it serves an important function: self-protection. We are attempting to protect ourselves from potentially damaging or hurtful events: rejection by a lover, rejection by a literary agent, embarrassment at giving a poor speech, etc. So we virtually live out these risky situations in our heads to prevent ourselves from real damage.

But wait…the question we have to ask is which one constitutes real damage? Is it better to avoid all potential for social harm, thus relieving anxiety and keeping ourselves “safe” or is it better to take those risky steps toward actually accomplishing our dreams? Good question. If we take the safe route and let our virtual experience keep us locked away from reality, we are guaranteed to fail by default because we never make any actual attempts to accomplish our goals. On the other hand, if we get out of our heads and actually do something that may seem risky in reality, we at least have a chance for success! And then, if we do actually fail…well, we learn to fail better the next time and then fail better yet again, until…at last…we succeed.

And this is the heart of the deception: inaction always means failure, which, ironically we were trying to avoid through inaction….see the catch?

So, if you’ve already failed (by not trying)…then you have nothing to lose, right? So, get out of your head and start participating in real life! The only thing you are risking, really, is SUCCESS!

Can you imagine how vastly different our lives would be if people cultivated the habit of saying “yes?” Here’s a simple example. Child says to teacher, “Can I go to the bathroom?” Teacher says “No.” Child is frustrated and asks again. Teacher says, with irritation, “No. I’ve already said no.” Child wets herself. Child gets punished or shamed or laughed at. What is learned? That the world is uncaring and unresponsive and she is grossly ineffective? You bet.

What about this instead: Child says to teacher, “Can I go to the bathroom?” Teacher smiles and says, “You know, we are going to line up in two minutes. You can be the first in line. How’s that?” This at least opens up the opportunity for the child to communicate that the need is urgent and the shame of wetting herself could be completely avoided. The world now feels more caring and responsive. The child begins to learn that communication means something and that she has some power to affect her world. One very important thing to notice: the teacher’s response (not going to the bathroom right this second) was the same in both instances! But the first example is a “no,” while the second answer is effectively a “yes.” You see, saying yes does not mean that we all get our way. It just opens to door of opportunity.

Does this seem like an oversimplification? Then consider how many times a day stretched across how many years that this type of interaction occurs in which the “no” message is pounded into us again and again either directly or implied: “No, you can’t do that.” “No, that idea is stupid.” “No, you can’t do it like that – do it like I said.” “No, get back in line like everyone else.” “No, your feelings don’t matter. Just obey me or else.” Now fast forward 30 years and you will find an unimaginative, bored, frustrated worker who hates himself, his job, his world and seeks release in any way he can find it…drugs, alcohol, porn, food, high risk behavior – you name it. Why? Because we all ultimately need a YES to open the door of opportunity!

Check in with yourself. What was the last creative idea you had, something that you were genuinely excited about? What did you do about it? And if you dared to voice it to another living soul, what feedback did you receive? The most common response we all get (even from those who love us, maybe even especially from those who love us) is to tell you in vivid detail why it won’t work. That is…NO. For most people, we’ve already long since lost the drive to so much as speak our ideas out loud to another human being. We’ve already short-circuited the whole process and just say “no” to ourselves! “Nope. That won’t work.” “Don’t bother.” “That’s stupid.” “What were you thinking?” “You’re just dreaming again.” “Give it up already!” And we’ve all become so warped with the “no” disease that one of our most favorite national past times is to go around bursting each other’s bubbles.

This ought not be. But we can only change it one person at a time. I encourage you to cultivate a “yes” world. And there is no better place to start than with you. Find some hidden dream tucked away in a dark corner and drag it back into the light. Say YES! And make some small step toward making that dream a reality. When you hear the dreams of others floating around you, become a dream catcher and go out of your way to encourage them to pursue their dreams rather than run from them. This isn’t about being delusional, but neither is it about being realistic when reality for most of us has been so distorted by the big fat “no’s” we’ve swallowed our whole lives.

Start with something simple. Want to finally take that trip to Paris? Then stop telling yourself why you never will and start calculating how you can. It doesn’t matter if it takes three years of saving. It will never happen if you don’t say YES and pave the way with action. Start saying YES! And generously share your yesses everywhere you go.

“Yes! I think you can do that!” “Yes! That is such a great idea!” “Yes! You should keep trying.” “Yes! I think you’ll get there!” YES! YES! YES!

The question is, then, are we doing the same? The dogs are born and bred and trained to run. So you might ask whether they would ever consider not running, that there exists another option? We are all born into specific contexts in which we are shaped and molded to think certain thoughts, hold certain beliefs, desire certain outcomes in life. Our native context colors our world, either small and limiting or vast and expansive. It can narrow our mind from wide-eyed innocence to a set of very particular expectations about ourselves and others. There is no doubt that it is a massively powerful context and we all see this operate in the lives of people who, like the dogs at the track, have never considered that their life could be…different or better or more. But we are not mere animals who are limited by context and training. We are humans with amazing resilience, flexibility and plasticity in our ability to adapt to new circumstances, engage life-altering faith in the complete absence of evidence and press toward new heights and new goals with unalterable determination.

If we try.

So, we have to ask the question – what race are we running? How can we be sure that we are on the right track? How many of us find we unwittingly doing only what we were programmed to do, to believe and to say based on the context of our birth, genetics, family or social arena, a context which we did not choose? How many of us wake up each day feeling numb and detached, feeling that our lives have become a mechanical march toward death because our hope, our passion for living has become so hopelessly mired in the holy grail of simply surviving to pay the bills? Or perhaps we keep squandering our hard-earned paycheck on another new gadget, pricy trip or fashion statement in an all-too familiar attempt to pump life back into this flat-lined existence?

Like chasing the fake rabbit, we must not only stop chasing a hand-me-down existence but also the false hope that someone else will swoop in and rescue us or define our lives as meaningful by their accolades. While other people can add tremendous value, offer inspiration or proffer incredible support, reaching our destiny is a solo internal mission because it originates from within. The time has indeed come and the day is now. Let us dare to remove the blinders and consider the possibility of not running an empty race. Let us imagine, just image, forging a brand new path in the wild frontier of near limitless possibilities.

Because we can.

If we try.

For change to occur, then, a mental leap is required across what feels like a black void, as everything in our pattern-loving psyche and the biological routinization of habit screams full on in outrage. Processing slows, attention is riveted to this novel circumstance and cognitive efficiency plummets. Yep, just when you finally had your juggling act well in hand, all other balls now fly off into temporary oblivion like a gaggle of unruly geese.

But we’re not done yet. The mischievous mind still has games to play. Did I forget to tell you that another major mental tic is our incessant thirst for meaning making? Yes, yes, yes. Whatever is happening, whether discernible or enigmatic, our mind must chisel meaning from the bedrock of chaos. So what does this mean for the process of change? Well, in one four letter word…fear. As we leap into the black void of new thought or behavior, as we violate our prized habitual patterns, as the brain locks onto the novel stimulus where everything feels out of control…the most common meaning assigned to this perfect storm of events is danger, aka, fear. Again, the homeostatic drive is in play, because fear arises to drive us back into the arms of the familiar and, you guessed it, what is perceived as safe.

So, if you want to make change…you’d better bring a few bullets along for the ride. You’ll likely need to bite one or two to endure the fearful raging of a mind that is being driven to the brink…of growth. Truth is, it is only when we press beyond our habitual sameness and explode through the boundaries of fear that we find the new frontier waiting. And finally, finally, we can take possession of the Promise Land.

Change is hard. And it will cost you something. But the prize we capture in the bargain is priceless.

What we don’t want to realize is that an overly busy lifestyle is really a sign of laziness. And before you get all huffy, I don’t mean lazy as in sitting around doing nothing. Actually, sometimes a little bit of “doing nothing” would indeed be more productive. What I mean about laziness is that it takes thoughtfulness, careful consideration and good decision-making skills to cull through all the possible activities and decide which ones would be of higher value. It takes an investment of time and wisdom to learn how to say no to trivial tasks and to develop expertise in a given area rather than trying to look competent in every area (i.e., Jack of all trades, Master of none). And it takes self-discipline to be still and finally face whatever turmoil is going on inside of us rather than using excessive activities to avoid our inner demons. A disciplined life is a carefully executed life, not one of mindlessly attempting to dribble every ball thrown our way and then falling prey to self-hatred because we get penalized for walking. There’s a time to run the court…and a time to pass the ball to the better positioned player. It takes skill to recognize the difference, a skill that is never learned while in perpetual motion.

So then we take this great leap of faith right off the cliff…choosing to believe in ourselves or that thing that perhaps we thought God was telling us to do…and what happens? Chatter. The predictable doubt that descends on the morning after. That ferocious fear that desires to mercilessly steal, kill or destroy the hope that was born in the midst of that faithful leap. Word for today: DON’T LISTEN. Trust that what has been spoken into you on that deepest level, that message that says “trust that you can” or “trust that I am with you” or “trust in Me” is the accurate message. Here’s the test: How has the chatter worked for you in the past? Are you more successful, happy, more productive by listening to those negative thoughts? I didn’t think so. Then here’s a happy toast to giant leaps and deliberately turning the dial to another station besides the meaningless static of a fearful mind…and to turning predictable doubts…into predictable victories.

Too many professional women and women entrepreneurs live their lives on the seesaw. In a whirlwind of ceaseless motion, they are off to drop the kids at school or daycare, dash into the office, work hard all day, maybe run errands at lunch, speed home to prepare dinner, help with homework, put on a load of laundry…then fall in the bed to get up and do it all over again. Up. Down. Up. Down. But. Never. Still. The truth is, to be effective in life, work, love and relationships over the long haul – there must be balance. We have to find the time and space to still the seesaw and look directly into the eyes of that opposing force and call a truce. There will always be another day to fold clothes and do chores. In the stillness we find restoration and in unison, both sides can exit the seesaw without falling. Then, with just one finger on each side, with only the slightest pressure…the seesaw balances effortlessly in mid-air.