No one should ever forget that change is hard. Giving up the familiar in favor of the unknown is probably one of the greatest feats that humans ever perform. So much of our biology, even, is geared toward efficiency, automation and homeostasis. What is familiar to us begins to feel routine, even when it impinges upon safety. I think this in part has to do with the manner in which the human mind processes information. What we avoid, the brain tags as dangerous. What we repeatedly embrace, however, gets a head nod of approval and becomes part of a well-developed neurological loop that guides our behavior in an efficient, predictable pattern – what we often refer to as a habit. As far as the brain is concerned, though, a habit is a habit, regardless of how we may judge it on a higher level as a good habit or a bad habit. The supporting architecture is the same for either one.

For change to occur, then, a mental leap is required across what feels like a black void, as everything in our pattern-loving psyche and the biological routinization of habit screams full on in outrage. Processing slows, attention is riveted to this novel circumstance and cognitive efficiency plummets. Yep, just when you finally had your juggling act well in hand, all other balls now fly off into temporary oblivion like a gaggle of unruly geese.

But we’re not done yet. The mischievous mind still has games to play. Did I forget to tell you that another major mental tic is our incessant thirst for meaning making? Yes, yes, yes. Whatever is happening, whether discernible or enigmatic, our mind must chisel meaning from the bedrock of chaos. So what does this mean for the process of change? Well, in one four letter word…fear. As we leap into the black void of new thought or behavior, as we violate our prized habitual patterns, as the brain locks onto the novel stimulus where everything feels out of control…the most common meaning assigned to this perfect storm of events is danger, aka, fear. Again, the homeostatic drive is in play, because fear arises to drive us back into the arms of the familiar and, you guessed it, what is perceived as safe.

So, if you want to make change…you’d better bring a few bullets along for the ride. You’ll likely need to bite one or two to endure the fearful raging of a mind that is being driven to the brink…of growth. Truth is, it is only when we press beyond our habitual sameness and explode through the boundaries of fear that we find the new frontier waiting. And finally, finally, we can take possession of the Promise Land.

Change is hard. And it will cost you something. But the prize we capture in the bargain is priceless.

We are all so busy, busy, busy. Our plates are so full that we leave our leftovers trailing behind us everywhere we go. And so many of us wear this busyness as a badge of honor, cheerfully commiserating with one another, as if we were all competing for the “Most Overwhelmed of the Year” award. I suppose it comes down to the mistaken idea that “the busiest one” is automatically equivalent to “the most productive one” or “the most important one.” Sorry. No cigar.

What we don’t want to realize is that an overly busy lifestyle is really a sign of laziness. And before you get all huffy, I don’t mean lazy as in sitting around doing nothing. Actually, sometimes a little bit of “doing nothing” would indeed be more productive. What I mean about laziness is that it takes thoughtfulness, careful consideration and good decision-making skills to cull through all the possible activities and decide which ones would be of higher value. It takes an investment of time and wisdom to learn how to say no to trivial tasks and to develop expertise in a given area rather than trying to look competent in every area (i.e., Jack of all trades, Master of none). And it takes self-discipline to be still and finally face whatever turmoil is going on inside of us rather than using excessive activities to avoid our inner demons. A disciplined life is a carefully executed life, not one of mindlessly attempting to dribble every ball thrown our way and then falling prey to self-hatred because we get penalized for walking. There’s a time to run the court…and a time to pass the ball to the better positioned player. It takes skill to recognize the difference, a skill that is never learned while in perpetual motion.

Did you know that spending as little as five minutes being grateful or focusing on someone that you love can boost your immune system for the rest of the day? Conversely, spending five minutes in an angry state can lower the immune response for the rest of the day? Our thoughts and emotions are very powerful agents in our body. We need to learn to use them wisely!

It is so interesting to me how our mind is such a major battlefield. And I’m sure you all know what I mean: the chatter that goes on in our heads all the time. It wouldn’t be so bad if the chatter pronounced good upon us…but no, the chatter is primarily negative for most people. Like, “that was stupid – why did you do that?” or “you’ll never be able to do that – you’d better quit before you embarrass yourself” or “what will everyone think if you do that?” Sound familiar? For better or worse, what we tell ourselves in our head is a huge predictor of what we actually become. So, if we say, “I will never be able to do that,” then that is true. We won’t. But if we say, “I can totally do it,” then that is true. We can.

So then we take this great leap of faith right off the cliff…choosing to believe in ourselves or that thing that perhaps we thought God was telling us to do…and what happens? Chatter. The predictable doubt that descends on the morning after. That ferocious fear that desires to mercilessly steal, kill or destroy the hope that was born in the midst of that faithful leap. Word for today: DON’T LISTEN. Trust that what has been spoken into you on that deepest level, that message that says “trust that you can” or “trust that I am with you” or “trust in Me” is the accurate message. Here’s the test: How has the chatter worked for you in the past? Are you more successful, happy, more productive by listening to those negative thoughts? I didn’t think so. Then here’s a happy toast to giant leaps and deliberately turning the dial to another station besides the meaningless static of a fearful mind…and to turning predictable doubts…into predictable victories.

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” This is by American Historian and musician, Bernice Johnson Reagon (1942).

I loved the seesaw when I was a kid. The goal was to see how high I could spring up and how quickly I could get my partner in the air. But the principle of the seesaw is always the same: if I am up, you are down and if you are up, then I am down. It runs in cycles and operates off of ceaseless motion. Many of us do indeed like the wild ride and find stillness to be much more of a challenge than ceaseless motion. And while the seesaw may be great fun in the moment, one thing is for certain: at some point, someone wants to get off. And if that happens too abruptly, guess what? Bam! You fall hard and fast!

Too many professional women and women entrepreneurs live their lives on the seesaw. In a whirlwind of ceaseless motion, they are off to drop the kids at school or daycare, dash into the office, work hard all day, maybe run errands at lunch, speed home to prepare dinner, help with homework, put on a load of laundry…then fall in the bed to get up and do it all over again. Up. Down. Up. Down. But. Never. Still. The truth is, to be effective in life, work, love and relationships over the long haul – there must be balance. We have to find the time and space to still the seesaw and look directly into the eyes of that opposing force and call a truce. There will always be another day to fold clothes and do chores. In the stillness we find restoration and in unison, both sides can exit the seesaw without falling. Then, with just one finger on each side, with only the slightest pressure…the seesaw balances effortlessly in mid-air.

Although owning your own business certainly has its trying moments, I have to say that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Long gone are the days when I feared what my boss would say, rushed out the door in a panic for fear of being late and dealing with the repercussions, or agonized over whether to stay home with my sick child or go to work. And when the paycheck comes…it is so satisfying because, well, I know that I have certainly earned it. However, don’t do the victory dance just yet. You still have to stare down your biggest opponent yet: you. Being an entrepreneur and being a happy entrepreneur are two very different things. For example, to be a happy entrepreneur, you have to learn how NOT to be the worst boss you could possibly have. You know, the kind that demands the world – RIGHT NOW – and has zero appreciation for all that you do. The kind who never gives you a break, only offers criticism and doles out scarce encouragement like tossing crumbs to a pack of dogs in a famine-torn land. And, of course, the kind of boss that expects absolute perfection in a solo operation when a whole army of workers couldn’t have recaptured that territory. Yes. That would be you, Mr. Entrepreneur. You are that kind of boss to yourself, if you aren’t really, really, careful. So, give yourself a break. Go home at a decent hour (no, that would not be 9 pm), hug your kids, kiss your spouse and pet the dog. The bad news is, your boss follows you everywhere. The good news is, you can fire him and take over the company!

You know the old saying, “When it rains, it pours.” Well, boy is it raining today. Literally. And figuratively. I look out at the rain and the fog and it looks so gloomy…and I think, “I’ll just stay inside,” which is to say that I will stay in the same old familiar place because pressing onward and upward, well, just feels so hard today. But just as I am about to crawl into bed and call it day (never mind it was only 10 am), I realize that I am about to miss a golden opportunity. With each gloomy storm cloud that lands on our heads, we have to remember that the sun really IS still shining. We just can’t see it. So, I toss back the covers, throw on my clothes and head out the door, umbrella in tow, and go about my day AS IF the sun were beating on my back…and it feels good. Really good. Funny thing, now I don’t even mind the rain.